Polite Technology–Only In Canada You Say?

I noticed that the gas pumps are more polite up here.

This is what I overheard while waiting for my half-caff Americano at the coffee counter the other day; two people discussing some of the differences they’ve noticed in Canada.

Could that be true? Could Canadian technology be more polite than technology south of the 49th parallel? The next time I pumped my gas, I counted. Eight times in the course of my transaction was something polite flashed across the screen–welcome, please, thank you. That does seem like a lot doesn’t it? The only time I was commanded insteaded of politely requested, was the message after punching in my PIN, an ominous “Waiting for authorization” flashed across the screen. I wonder why it didn’t say “Please wait for authorization.”?

(Sidebar: I don’t know about you, but I always envision a little panel of very small, but angry bankers discussing my request and then grudgingly putting rubber stamp to paper. Their judgment? “Alright. But just this once! Don’t make it a habit.” Then, once I’ve gone, they say cutting things about my financial savvy, or lack thereof.)

So, I’d like to do some more research, but of course I’m somewhat hampered by geography. I would love to hear from people the world over. How many times in the course of these automated transactions (think gas pumps, bank machines, self-check outs) is your technology programmed to be courteous? If your Canadian, I would still like to hear from you, because I’d like to know if 8 is the average and if it differs across the country. So, in the comments, identify your country (and what part of the country), what type of automated transaction it was, and how many courteous words you saw.

And you thought today was going to be dull!

Garden Mums

Drove by a sign that read:

Garden mums now in stock

The 10-year-old son asks me,

Mom, what’s a ‘mum’?

It’s short for chrysanthemum. It’s a flower. The word sometimes gets shortened to ‘mum’.

Ooohhhh. (pause) I thought it was like a garden gnome. Except you know instead of a gnome it was a mom.

Garden Mom

Now I think I want one.

Fast ForWord — Language to Reading

I know it’s been a while since I said anything about Fast ForWord. Some time ago I posted about the first module my kids did called Language. I thought I should probably also let you know about the 2nd module, Language to Reading. My daughter got 75% of the way through this module.

There are only 5 games in L2R (Language has 7 games) and you do all 5 each session, until you’ve completed all the levels of a game (at that point it greys out when you go to your session menu). The sessions seemed to be longer than Language. I would say it took about an hour to get through the whole thing, where they were on a 45-minute protocol with the Language Module.

Here are the games:

Bug Out: This is comparable to Language’s Phonic Match. It’s a game of concentration where you match sounds. The two changes in this one are the 1) one of the cards will be just a sound and the matching card will have both the sound and the word written out, and 2) they are whole words, not just sounds.

Polar Cop: This is comparable to Flying Farm in the Language Module. But again, instead of sounds you’re dealing with whole words this time. The Cop says a word. A line of penguins go one by one through an x-ray machine and you see the word in their suitcase as well as hear it. You have to click on the penguin that has the same word in his briefcase as was said by the Cop. And you have to be quick about it. You can’t choose the word as the penguin steps off the x-ray machine. You chose correctly but not quickly enough. So, it not only builds your sound/word connection but speeds up that recognition. This game takes the longest to get through.

Start-Up Stories: This has two components 1) Following directions and 2) Language Comprehension. The Following Directions component is comparable to Language’s Block Commander. You get instructions like “Touch the small white kitten and the large black dog.” The Language Comprension component is similar to Language’s ‘Language Comprehension Builder.” You have to select the picture that matches the description given to you by a voice (nothing’s written down). You will hear “The chicken that is little is not eating the corn.” The child has to match that to the correct picture. So she doesn’t choose the chicken that is eating the corn, or the dog that isn’t eating the corn, or the large chicken that isn’t eating the corn. It can get pretty tricky. This is the first game that my daughter completed.

Treasure in the Tomb: This is comparable to Language’s Phoneme Identification. You bang the gong to hear a word. You then see two characters who both show and say a word. You have to select the character that is saying the same word you heard initially.

Trog Walkers: This is comparable to Language’s Circus Sequence. There are two sounds: an upward sweeping whistle and a downwards sweeping whistle. These sounds are designated visually by an upward arrow and a downward arrow. You hear a sequence that combines these sounds and you have to press the arrow keys to match that sequence. So, first instance you will hear, up, down, down, up and have to select the up arrow, down arrow, down arrow, up arrow to correspond to that sequence. The conceit of the game is a character who is in a race with other characters. Your quick and correct answers add fuel and speed to your character. The point my daughter got frustrated was when she got to the 5-whistle level. Which, frankly is REALLY hard. But it’s exactly the kind of thing she needs to train up that working memory and processing speed.

I’ll save my update on how it’s impacted my kids until they’ve completed the reading assessment to determine how it’s improved their reading skills. But there have definitely been some very positive changes. I’ll leave you with that cliffhanger.

I’ve Got a Little List

Are any of you familiar with that song from The Mikado sung by the Lord High Executioner about all the people he has on a list should the need ever come to execute someone? For those who went eh? to that last sentence, a little clip:

 

Sidebar: I think I actually saw this production when I spent that summer in Oxford. It was really good. You don’t need to watch the whole ten minutes. The first 4 minutes max should do it.

Today, I decided that the Lord High Executioner missed a few people who should be added promptly with no benefit of due process. They are clearly guilty as charged.

• The woman who insisted on using the locker RIGHT NEXT TO MINE at the gym despite the fact that we were the only two people in the very large change room and over half the lockers were empty. AND I was there first. I’m not crazy right? That’s weird. It’s like being on the bus by yourself and then someone gets on and sits right down beside you. Did you not notice there are a hundred other empty seats around you? What crazy-ass thing is going on inside your head that you HAVE TO HAVE THIS PARTICULAR LOCKER AND NO OTHER?!?!?!?
• The fitness personnel at the same gym who insisted that I just couldn’t see the log in button on the treadmill machine. “Oh, no, it’s there.” Then, they’re all shocked when they actually come on over and discover that indeed it’s not there. And thus it was that my 30 second sign-in procedure turns into an epic 15 minutes and 3 different machines. It’s a good thing I’m not SHORT OF TIME or anything.
• Whoever wrote the marketing copy for the new Garnier anti-puff eye roller. I agree that coffee is the nectar of the gods but I would never say my coffee is ENRICHED with caffeine. Caffeine isn’t a vitamin. It’s like saying my doughnut is enriched with sugar. I’m not saying I didn’t try the tester at the drug store, and I might actually buy it at some point. But I won’t feel good about it.
• The clerk at the health food store where I bought the POISONED ALMONDS whose first question to me was “Did you eat them after leaving them in a hot car for hours?” then followed that up with an offer of a free bag of the SAME ALMONDS. Uh no. I think I’ve pretty much seen everything those almonds can do. Oh, but hey! Do you have any hemlock lying around?

Things would be just so much easier in my life if people would conform to social norms, believe me the first time I tell them something and send things through our proofreader at work (she is a force of nature). Really, is it too much to ask?

Who have I missed? Let’s get ‘em on that list.

DOH!

Last week I learned that food poisoning sucks.

Thus, no staggering posts of insightful genius or even a small giggle-inducing post.

The Saga of the Honey-Roasted Almonds

I decided that dough-free month began on Monday. I went by the health food store and picked up a small bag of honey roasted almonds because I figured they were tasty and they would stop me from feeling hungry. About 6:30pm I started having stomach cramps. This went on for a couple of hours. But, I already had a cold so I figured that it had become a stomach virus. Things die down, life returns to normal, or at least what passes for normal around here. On Wednesday, I’m at work trying to finish up an epic mailing and return to the same health food store for more of the honey roasted almonds.

That evening the stomach cramps return, this time coupled with vomiting and fever.

By Thursday, the worst of it has past, but I still feel shaky and intermittently feverish. The intermittent fever lasts for a few more days after that.

So, honey roasted almonds on Monday and Wednesday. Illness on both those days. I’m thinking there’s something wrong with the almonds. What do you think?

Cue the tragic irony music. My efforts to eat better end up with me poisoning myself? That’s something that shouldn’t be ignored.

So, no-dough month has been called off as I needed to find SOMETHING to eat and perhaps there is a less dramatic, more sustainable way of approaching this. Maybe I’ll have a mid-morning almond-free snack.

I meet with the naturopath in October and we’ll create a plan then. Until then, I’ll hope that my few days without dough has cleared the fog enough, that I can better pay attention to how food is making my body feel.

Anyone care to share their food poisoning horror stories? I await with bated breath.

No-dough month update

I’ve survived two days without dough.

Brain fog is lessening.

Too early to string words together coherently.

Population of Non-Idiots: 1

Here is the paradox about Granville Island:

When I am driving on Granville Island, the pedestrians turn into idiots. They walk down the middle of roadways oblivious to the fact that IT’S A ROADWAY FOR GOD’S SAKE! They cross from one side of the road to the other regardless of whether there’s an ACTUAL crosswalk and NEVER look to see if there’s a car coming, sometimes even thrusting baby strollers into harm’s way while they sip on the ubiquitous paper cup filled with whatever triple qualified coffee-drink they’ve concocted.

When I am walking on Granville Island, the drivers turn into idiots. They NEVER stop at crosswalks. They back out of their parking stalls WITHOUT looking in their rearview mirror. They negotiate unmarked intersections while yapping on their cellphones seemingly OBLIVIOUS to everything around them.

Is it conceivable that I too am an idiot?

Could I possibly be a contrarian?

Naah.

I am simply in the very small minority of non-idiots that go to Granville Island.

And thus, all is right with my world.

Autumnal Equinox - Sept 22

The Equinox is here. Fleeting, precarious, balance. Can you feel it?

To acknowledge the Autumnal Equinox, a poem from Gwendolyn MacEwen, who is one of my favourite Canadian poets. Here is one of my favourite of her poems circa 1969. I think it captures our move from light into darkness perfectly. If you enjoy it, you should buy something she wrote.

 

The Shadow-maker

 

I have come to possess your darkness, only this.

 

My legs surround your black, wrestle it

As the flames of day wrestle night

And everywhere you paint the necessary shadows

On my flesh and darken the fibres of my nerve;

Without these shadows I would be

In air one wave of ruinous light

And night with many mouths would close

Around my infinite and sterile curve.

 

Shadow-maker create me everywhere

Dark spaces (your face is my chosen abyss),

For I said I have come to possess your darkness,

Only this.

nO(c)-dough-ber

Well, I figured the equinox was as good a time as any to do it. My big public announcement (to keep myself honest) is that I am going to go a month without dough. I might even try to make it to the winter solstice.

Here’s the thing. I haven’t been feeling great. I’ve been getting brain fog almost daily and I just feel…I don’t know…doughy. Brain fog is the worst. I just can’t seem to string my thoughts together without extraordinary effort and then I don’t get anything done as I find I wander when I’m like that. Soon my family will have to post APBs on me like some alzheimer-esque senior citizen.

Last seen at the Bread Garden. Often follows bread crumbs and bread-smells. If found, please alert the authorities. Do not feed!

I want to eat intuitively, I do. And yet, I think that I’m finding it hard to distinguish between intuition and addiction. I seem to be eating in an addictive way rather than an intuitive way, because even when it doesn’t make me feel good, I continue to eat certain things that tend to be, you guessed it, in the dough family.

I’ve had this before and dealt with it by doing a serious anti-candida protocol. And it really worked. Within a week I was feeling like a whole new woman. Well, it’s time to do it again. I’ve got to do a system re-boot, de-fog the windshield, blow the dust out of the ducts. See? I’m mixing my metaphors willy-nilly, it’s bad, people, it’s bad.

The next two weeks might be a little rough, as my body and brain adjust, so I’ll need moral support. Why is it moral support? What does no-dough have to do with morality? Screw that, I need MORALE support.

That’s where you come in. See that little comments section? Give me a “RA-RA!” or “You-go girl!” or even “You can do it!” That sort of thing. Ordinarily I want to punch my inner cheerleader, but I can’t reach you through the comments, and really, I would appreciate it.

I will report in most days to let you know how it’s going. If you don’t see anything for a couple of days, you should worry. And check all the local Bread Gardens.

Things I wonder about…

If we have a collective unconscious is it also possible that we’re an unconscious collective?